Alright Dolphins fans and football fans everywhere, the NFL is officially back. Well, back in the sense that you can turn on the TV and you can find highlights and actual games (meaningless as they are) on television. BUT, preseason games can be a bit boring, can’t they? After all, with the exception of the 3rd preseason game, the starting units usually play a few series or MAYBE a quarter or two. We’ve come up with a way to make ANY NFL preseason game a little bit more exciting.
If you’re like us, you are already hyped up about your favorite NFL team. After all, training camp is when every team thinks they have a chance (unless you’re a Jets fan and you have a buttfumbler as your starting quarterback). But in reality, most of these preseason games consist of players that are fighting for their football lives, trying to be the last guy NOT to get cut.
Usually, by the time the 4th quarter of a preseason game rolls around, we’re watching guys that were great in college, but just can’t cut it in the NFL. SOOOOO, we thought it would be a good idea to make the games a little more interesting, no matter who is on the field, by creating the official rules for the Preseason Football Drinking Game.
Before we get to the rules, let us say that if you are playing this game, you should already have a designated driver. Do not drink and drive! Also, don’t take these too literally, we don’t want anyone getting alcohol poisoning. If you do not like alcohol, you can substitute milk (but don’t overdose!). So grab your favorite beer or cocktail and let’s get to the rules:
Penalty flag is thrown - Take 2 sips of your drink (this will happen a lot because preseason football is sloppy, especially in the first few games)
Referee stutters and/or messes up the announcement of a penalty - Take 3 sips of your drink (if it’s Ed Hochuli, take 3 sips while doing a bicep curl with your jug of laundry detergent)
Camera pans to a players wife/girlfriend - Take a sip of your drink through a straw…it’s more lady like
Camera pans to the team owner - Take 3 chugs of your drink and flush a 20 dollar bill down the toilet. The $20 is symbolic of the money your owner probably wasted in free agency on players that won’t help your team (See: Stephen Ross and the money he’s spent on the Dolphins offensive line over the past 5 years….cough, Marc Colombo, cough)